dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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