they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
