thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
