Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
