K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
