well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
