So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its about making memories worth repressing
I look better un-naked...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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