I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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