I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
