yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
