it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
