you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
