fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
