We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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