Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
as a side note pls kill me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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