i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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