Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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