i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
