I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
