i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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