I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
