Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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