Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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