I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
