He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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