wrigley field is MILF paradise
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
