one two three fourrrrnication!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
