i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
