Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
