why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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