Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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