i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
