ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
