Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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