Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
