i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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