Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
