Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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