I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
