he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
