I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
