PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
