I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
