my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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