I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
