you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
