Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
