Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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