So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
