thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
