I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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