you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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