I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
