Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
